Nearest and Dearest!

Some days I laugh...
Some days I cry...
And other times I clench my teeth together and push through the emotional rollercoaster.

This has been the longest amount of time that I've been home in the UK within the past two years. Normally I am in and out of the country flying back to sunny South Africa, but this time it has nearly reached the three month mark. The Visa process has been far from easy and to be honest I have felt like giving up at times. But then I remember, I remember the kids and baby's who are counting on me coming back to take them on more adventures to the mall for their favourite food and activities like the jump park.

When I left Johannesburg in July I thought it was going to be easy, a quick trip back to see family then I can go back home to my babies. Oh, how I was wrong. A few hours before my flight I began saying my "see you soon's" when one of my oldest kiddies clung to me.
She looked me in the eyes and began crying.
Wow. She is smart.
She realised what was going on and wouldn't leave my side. I explained to her whilst gritting my teeth that I was going to see her again in a couple of months time.
I kissed her on the head and took her back to her caregiver.
You never know how much you love someone until its time to leave.
My heart broke in to two, as I let go of her hand to go put my suitcases in the car.

I came across this quote and it hit me! It made me think about the differences between home where I was born (UK) and home where my heart is (Johannesburg).
"One day you'll realise that material things mean nothing. All that matters is the well being of the people in your life."

The hardest thing about leaving is that you try to keep it all together for the kids and the people around you. Then when you return to your home country you try and hold it all together for your family, acting like everything is okay even though your missing the people you now call family too, half way across the world.

Culture shock seriously is a thing. Priority's are different. Lifestyle is different and the most painful thing is little comments people make about your trip abroad. I never knew how difficult it would be to sit in a room full of family trying to defend the country and the people you have stayed with for the past couple of years. As I sat there in the corner, I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell them the truth about what I have actually seen, heard and been through. But my brain froze. I smiled and carried on telling stories of my time abroad with the beautiful kiddies.
Many volunteers have asked me if I ever feel homesick, my response is "Yeah, when I'm at my house in the Uk cause I'm missing this place so much."

I left to go to TLC Children's home at the age of 17, just out of high school. Many people including family questioned me about my decision but I put my trust and faith in God and went along to the place I felt I was meant to be. I may not have degrees in medicine or technology but I do have a family that spreads all around the world. I have watched tiny little baby's grow into incredible children with great personalities, some have gone to forever families and others are still on their incredible journey's.  I have been in many situations I would never wish on anyone. My heart has been shattered and put back together again by little children coming and leaving. I have learnt that it doesn't matter if they have a new toy, but what does matter is that we have each other. Material things only last for a while, whereas love lasts a lifetime. Many of these children I have taken care of won't remember a thing about me but I will remember them, I will love them and pray for them for eternity.

In England I feel like we take everything for granted. The things we think are simple like safety and security that others pray for continuously. We forget that its a blessing to have a roof over our heads, power and electricity at the flick of a switch and running water for the times that we want to fill up that nice warm bath. During my two years abroad I have learnt not to take these things for granted.
Coming home has tested me in more ways than I can imagine. I have wanted to shut myself in my room just to avoid the things I don't want to see. I have cried myself to sleep on more occasions than you could imagine. We learn to hide our emotions to protect others but in reality we all just need to have someone to open up too. I may be between the UK and Johannesburg but this has become my way of realising how much people from different circumstances can come together to make the world a better place. It doesn't always matter about the amount of certificates or qualifications you have, what really matters is whats inside your heart. Family means Everything even if they are spread out all around the world.
To all the people I have met during my time at TLC Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And to all the kiddies that I help to take care off I wont give up with the Visa situation I will keep fighting for it until the day I see you all again. I Love you all and miss you millions xxx