Home bound...

Two weeks ago today I returned home after saying some of the hardest goodbyes of my life... I never knew leaving this time round would be so difficult and overwhelming. From the time my flight was booked to the time I left South Africa it was just over 24 hours. The Tuesday I found out I was leaving I cried many tears... I was a broken, emotional mess but I had planned to go and see my boyfriend so went ahead with the plan. We had a lovely evening watching the stars but we were broken inside knowing that tomorrow we would be apart for a long time. I spent the majority of that night sat up remembering all the wonderful experiences and memories of my time spent at TLC wishing i could stay for my full time. My goodbye to my boyfriend was difficult and fast as I climbed into the Uber to go home.  But I kept myself together and tried my hardest not to cry. My heart was shattered knowing I would have to say many more goodbyes that day.

 This was the day I would leave my home, my family and the most amazing community of people I had ever met.

I had packed my suitcase on the Saturday before whilst waiting for medical results as instructed by my mum. So I headed straight to the nursery to be with my kiddios for my last morning in South Africa. I had always planned what I would do in my last week in South Africa and all my plans where being torn apart in the 8 remaining hours I had left to spend with them. I got breakfast and ate it with baby B then walked my kiddios to preschool and watched them walk ahead as I turned towards the cottage listening to all of them scream my name...

I hesitantly took my notes of my door that previous volunteers had made as a leaving TLC tradition as a thank you to helping the children when they couldn't anymore... A flood of memories came rushing back to me; All the people I had worked beside, All the babies who had arrived and All the children who had found there forever families... I had no words... Making sure I had packed everything I took a shower and returned to the nursery to spend more time with my children... Whenever someone leaves the children understand. They become more emotional and attached in the hours before you leave and this just makes leaving so much more difficult.

By this time I had already said many goodbyes to the family and staff members who not only looked after the kids but also supported me during my time spent at TLC. Every goodbye was becoming more and more painful. Many kept reminding me its not a goodbye forever its only for now- think of it as a holiday! So I kept the tears back by attempting to smile. The hardest moments still to come...

I had said goodbye to almost everyone then headed to the carpark with my cases to say the final goodbye to the preschool kids as they came back up to the nursery and a bunch of people followed me to the car... This is where I watched my babies both confused and broken as I stepped into the buckie ... My eyes getting heavier and heavier as I left them and headed towards security. I sat and watched as the gates became further and further away with my heart in pieces and on the verge of tears ...

I had previously explained to everyone that i'm rubbish at goodbyes so I only want a few people to come to the airport and it ended up just being me and T better known as Tingiling. T had dropped me off previously when my Granddad passed away so he knew how much I struggled...

We dropped of my luggage and headed for my last dinner at Spurs before making our way to security. This is when reality began to set in. As I looked at T I could feel my voice begin to shake.. One of my hardest byes. T was close to me, We went on many car journeys during my time and spoke about everything. Not only was I leaving an amazing friend but I was also leaving a brother... We spoke about when I was returning to South Africa then he told me to listen to a specific Christian song and we said 'SEE YOU SOON' as we separated and went our different ways...

I walked into the security line looking back as tears ran down my face. I broke. My heart had finally shattered. Emotionally and physically exhausted. T doesn't know just how much that song meant to me...  I listened to it many times before I flew that night remembering all the times I had at TLC and how God had walked with me through them all...