Home bound...

Two weeks ago today I returned home after saying some of the hardest goodbyes of my life... I never knew leaving this time round would be so difficult and overwhelming. From the time my flight was booked to the time I left South Africa it was just over 24 hours. The Tuesday I found out I was leaving I cried many tears... I was a broken, emotional mess but I had planned to go and see my boyfriend so went ahead with the plan. We had a lovely evening watching the stars but we were broken inside knowing that tomorrow we would be apart for a long time. I spent the majority of that night sat up remembering all the wonderful experiences and memories of my time spent at TLC wishing i could stay for my full time. My goodbye to my boyfriend was difficult and fast as I climbed into the Uber to go home.  But I kept myself together and tried my hardest not to cry. My heart was shattered knowing I would have to say many more goodbyes that day.

 This was the day I would leave my home, my family and the most amazing community of people I had ever met.

I had packed my suitcase on the Saturday before whilst waiting for medical results as instructed by my mum. So I headed straight to the nursery to be with my kiddios for my last morning in South Africa. I had always planned what I would do in my last week in South Africa and all my plans where being torn apart in the 8 remaining hours I had left to spend with them. I got breakfast and ate it with baby B then walked my kiddios to preschool and watched them walk ahead as I turned towards the cottage listening to all of them scream my name...

I hesitantly took my notes of my door that previous volunteers had made as a leaving TLC tradition as a thank you to helping the children when they couldn't anymore... A flood of memories came rushing back to me; All the people I had worked beside, All the babies who had arrived and All the children who had found there forever families... I had no words... Making sure I had packed everything I took a shower and returned to the nursery to spend more time with my children... Whenever someone leaves the children understand. They become more emotional and attached in the hours before you leave and this just makes leaving so much more difficult.

By this time I had already said many goodbyes to the family and staff members who not only looked after the kids but also supported me during my time spent at TLC. Every goodbye was becoming more and more painful. Many kept reminding me its not a goodbye forever its only for now- think of it as a holiday! So I kept the tears back by attempting to smile. The hardest moments still to come...

I had said goodbye to almost everyone then headed to the carpark with my cases to say the final goodbye to the preschool kids as they came back up to the nursery and a bunch of people followed me to the car... This is where I watched my babies both confused and broken as I stepped into the buckie ... My eyes getting heavier and heavier as I left them and headed towards security. I sat and watched as the gates became further and further away with my heart in pieces and on the verge of tears ...

I had previously explained to everyone that i'm rubbish at goodbyes so I only want a few people to come to the airport and it ended up just being me and T better known as Tingiling. T had dropped me off previously when my Granddad passed away so he knew how much I struggled...

We dropped of my luggage and headed for my last dinner at Spurs before making our way to security. This is when reality began to set in. As I looked at T I could feel my voice begin to shake.. One of my hardest byes. T was close to me, We went on many car journeys during my time and spoke about everything. Not only was I leaving an amazing friend but I was also leaving a brother... We spoke about when I was returning to South Africa then he told me to listen to a specific Christian song and we said 'SEE YOU SOON' as we separated and went our different ways...

I walked into the security line looking back as tears ran down my face. I broke. My heart had finally shattered. Emotionally and physically exhausted. T doesn't know just how much that song meant to me...  I listened to it many times before I flew that night remembering all the times I had at TLC and how God had walked with me through them all...

One Month Remaining!

With only one month remaining my heart is stretched. I don't know where this year has gone and whether to be happy or sad in these moments as I look into my friends, family and kids eyes, wondering whether this would be our last times together. As other volunteers know towards the end of your time you are excited to go home and see everyone you have missed but you know at the top of your heart that you are going to miss these people a million times more. The connections you've made the trust you've built and everything in between.

My past few months haven't been the easiest I have overcome sickness (double kidney infection, tonsillitis, bronchitis, sinus infection and the normal sickness) I have learnt how to deal with the heartbreak I feel as babies leave and the overwhelming sense of happiness I hold as they fall in love with there new forever families. You could say my time here has been more than an emotional rollercoaster. We have been through so much as a team but also as a family....

Volunteers and babies leaving whilst new ones arrive, you never forget the impact each and every one of these special bonds has meant for each and every baby, child and young adult on TLC property. From the small acts of kindness to the ongoing genorosity from day volunteers to continual supporters each and every one building part of these childrens lifes. I am reminded of the African proverb  'It takes a village to raise a child' because honeslty it does. Without every single one of us being a part of these childrens lifes they would grow up with missing pieces but instead they can be loved by a family, a community, a village and even a nation. These are Our babies but they all grow up with there own beautiful personalities because they have been raised by many and taught life changing things by all.

Some of you may know I had to take a trip to hospital after finding out I had a kidney infection at the doctors. They prescribed me antibiotics but two days into the course I felt worse.. Much worse in fact but carried on going as I was starting shift in about 10 mins time. I sat on the bed and read a story to the children whilst in agony. I spent 30 mins sat with them before the pain became unbearable so I asked one of the other ladies on bears to step in for me as I crawled out of their room into the corridor - Tears streaming down my face and screaming in pain. I was vomiting white stuff where the pain was so intense. The other volunteers and one of the managers came back from an outing and realised how bad things had became so insisted I went to hospital. So they helped me to the car whilst I was shouting in pain and my boyfriend and T came with. Within seconds I was being seen too and it was confirmed my kidney infection had spread to both kidneys so I had to have bloods drawn and cannulas put in to administer the pain meds and iv antibiotics. Luckily after 4 hours I was allowed home with more pain relief but if it wasn't for my amazing friends and volunteers I wouldn't have been able to survive that night - We all need each other in the difficult times but we also need each other when life is going well.

During my 14 months at TLC I have learnt that God is with you no matter how rough your day or week is. He doesn't mind if you are stressed or over the moon, he is with you through it all. TLC has taught me to love and trust through the difficult and to work together, love and support those around you during their struggles and happy times too. Everyone needs a hug every so often even if they look like they have it all together from the outside...